The world according to Steven Wright
An e-mail with a number of the sayings of Steven Wright, Academy Award-winning American comedian, actor and writer, is doing the rounds at the moment. He sees things differently from most of us, to our amazement and amusement.
• Here are some of Steven’s gems:
• Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
• Half the people you know are below average.
• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend, … but she left me before we met.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
• Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
• If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
Hat tip: James Korman
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