Thu 10 Apr 2008
Facing up to the “R” word
Posted by Prieur du Plessis under Humor
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FacebookThu 10 Apr 2008
The Bear Necessities
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Here is a specially rewritten version of The Bare Necessities, originally from Disney’s The Jungle Book, which follows the tribulations recently experienced by a number of investment banks.
Where are the Bear necessities?
No longer trading equities,
Got buried in a landslide of subprime.
I mean the Bear necessities -
Those benchmark Gilts and Treasuries
Forgotten in a sea of banking grime.
Whatever, I wonder,
Became of my home?
My mortgage was squandered
With millions of loans.
And now there’s no liquidity
Banks have been brought down to their knees.
And when they get up,
It may come to pass
That the SEC and the FSA will regulate their ass.
The Bear necessities of trade will come to them.
Source: Financial Times
Wed 9 Apr 2008
A risk manager exposed
Posted by Prieur du Plessis under Humor
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This is an old joke usually told about chartered accountants, but equally applicable to risk managers.
A risk manager, walking down a country lane encounters a shepherd standing near a field of sheep. “If I can accurately predict the number of sheep in this field, would you let me have one?” asks the risk manager.
“Certainly,” replies the shepherd, having just counted them himself. The risk manager gets out his slide rule, calculates the area of pasture needed to sustain one sheep, estimates the area of the field and comes up with the figure 423.
“That’s absolutely correct,” says the shepherd, and the risk manager stoops to claim his prize. “But,” adds the shepherd, “You must give me the chance to get even. If I can accurately guess your profession, we’ll call it quits.” The risk manager agrees.
“You’re a risk manager for a major investment bank,” says the shepherd. “That’s right,” says the bemused manager, “But how did you know?”
The shepherd replies: “Give me back my dog and I’ll tell you.”
Source: Dagenham Dave (via Financial Times)
Tue 1 Apr 2008
No rope in sight
Posted by Prieur du Plessis under Humor
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Mon 31 Mar 2008
Food for car
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Fri 28 Mar 2008
Shine On You Crazy Dimon
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Paul Kedrosky not only writes the top Infectious Greed blog, but he has also turned out to be no slouch as far as penning lyrics is concerned. Using Pink Floyd’s “Shine on Crazy Diamond” as base, here is his rewritten version of the criticisms and complaints JP Morgan’s Jamie Dimon is getting for the Bear Stearns deal.
Remember when you came from Banc One, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy Dimon.
Now there’s a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy Dimon.
You were caught in the crossfire of Joe Lewis and lockup,
blown on the legalese.
Come on you target for Hank’s laughter,
come on you raider, you legend, you banker, and shine!
You reached for Bear’s jugular too soon, you tried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy Dimon.
Threatened by shareholders at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy Dimon.
Well you wore out your welcome with fairness opinions,
rode on the legalese.
Come on you trader, you slayer of brokers,
come on you bully, you banker, you piker, and shine!
Source: Paul Kedrosky, Infectious Greed
Thu 27 Mar 2008
The Night They Drove Old Bear Down – An Annotated Tribute
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This is a very funny rewrite of an old song by The Band, capturing some of the “subtleties” of the Bear Stearns saga.
Jimmy Cayne is the name and I served on the Gravy train
’Til Dimon’s cavalry came and blew out Joe Lewis again
Hank Paulson was on the phone, we were just barely alive
March 16 was when Bear Stearns fell
It’s a time I remember oh so well.
The night they drove Old Bear down
The market bells were ringin’
The night they drove Old Bear down
Rich Lindsey was singin‘, he went
Phew now I’m glad they cashed me out
I’m all right, la-la-la-la.
Back with my my cards in Detroit
When Schwarz made a call to me
“Jimmy, quick, come see, there goes Ken Griffin’s account!”
Now I don’t mind smokin’ dope
And I don’t care if Cioffi’s no good
But when Jim Simons moved the Renaissance cash
There went the last of my secret stash.
The night they drove Old Bear down
Prime brokerage was tanking
The Fed is good with a 30 bill put
For Jamie but not for me, they went
No Long-Term Capital for you
Hank did remember after all, la-la-la-la.
Like Dick Fuld after me
I worked an accounting fudge
And like Lloyd Blankfein before him
I gave Level III a nudge.
It was just crap paper, piled high and brave
But the rumors put Bear in its grave
I ask by the CDS around my feet
If they bailed out Mozilo, how come I’m dead meat?
The night they drove Old Bear down
With counterparties a-sniggerin’
They said two bucks a share
And Bernanke was singin’, he went
Systemic risk’s not good for me
Helicopters so all can see, la-la-la-la.
The night they drove old Bear down
Because the rumors were flying
The night they drove old Bear down
While Jim Cramer was lying, they went
Everybody else gets money for free
But none for me, la-la-la-la
Hat tip: Greg Newton, NakedShorts
Wed 26 Mar 2008
Dishing out money
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Tue 25 Mar 2008
Swashbuckling capitalist
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Sat 22 Mar 2008
A crisis around every corner …
Posted by Prieur du Plessis under Humor
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